Zoey's diary entry
by Puppysaur
Summary: Zoey is a troubled teen...she keeps a diary. WARNING: contains suicidal content.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there. (: my first HON fanfic. MUST MUST MUST READ THE BOLDED PARTS!**

**Okay so you could say I was not happy with my parent's ways so I wrote this "diary entry"- notice the quotations because it isn't totally about my personal life. This morning when I got up I read it over and decided that it could apply to Zoey. **

**WARNING: contains suicidal content…don't read if, you think you are going to rant to me that I'm wrong, diss me, don't read. If you're going to say, "This is a whole load of sh*t then I suggest you don't read it. If you're a parent and reading this…please be an understanding one. Again, for reviews if you are going to **_**do NOT say anything, if you have nothing nice to say. **_

Dear Mom and "Dad"

Try putting you in my shoes. Being a teen is so much harder than holding a job. Teens may seem care-free, careless... Sure you have risk of getting fired, and hang to deal with bitchy people, but if you think about... You can only get fired once from each job, and you can often find another job. Teens have a risk of getting kicked out of the house. Once they get kicked out there's no going back. There's no "other home" other than for you to sit on the streets and die. As for bitchy people, we teens have to deal with that too, it takes one word for us to knock them out, but we resist that the best we can. When you deal with bitchy people they can't get revenge because they are in the office if they try you can prove it easily and the risk their career. When you're a teen, revenge just could mean getting you sent to the graveyard before you could say, "help me" you'd be dead. You think have to deal with shit in your lives? The taxes, the jobs, the financial issues, the bitchy children, medical bills... Teens may not have to deal with money related issues as much as you guys do but we do have to deal with, drug addiction, suicide, crappy teachers that drive us insane, violence, gang related activities, peer pressure, depression and so much more. I think I'd rather deal with taxes and a crappy job than suicide. I'm pretty darn sure you didn't enjoy your parents comparing you to others. Well we aren't others, we are ourselves, and if we were to compare you to a highly intelligent ape, you'd say you're not an ape, well I got news for you: we aren't those highly intelligent kids! If you say we teens make a bunch of stupid mistakes, hell yeah we do, do some of us regret them? Yes. Do we apologize? Yes. But is it good enough for you parents? Apparently not. You'd say regretting killing someone doesn't prefer you from going to jail. You'd say no matter how sorry we'd be we would still put in jail. We can protest all we want and say that's different. A murder and not doing a chore is two completely different things. What if we told you that no matter how regretful you were, or no matter how sorry you would be, your child wouldn't forgive you? Is loosing your job the same as loosing your child's trust, faith, and love? Obviously not. Do you we teens enjoy the sound of your yelling? No. Do you enjoy your boss yelling at you? I don't think so. Though we know it's your job to do that parent job, as your boss is to "boss" you around, you could put it in a slightly nicer way so we wouldn't be so offended, and mean to you. I'm sure if you boss told you to do something and said please, you'd be grateful... We teens aren't stupid/emotionless, we have feelings too you know? If you parents told us we have so much more free time, so much more fun, so much freedom, well you're wrong. Have you ever thought of, we dealing with people in a way that you never imagined and might endanger our lives? We got up at 6 am to get ready for school, possibly be preparing for death, dealing with crappy teachers, dealing with bitchy people, get a load of shit home, get the crap beaten out of us, and then have to deal with parental wrath of doing chores, and homework, and constant comparison; along with a few problem of our own like depression and suicide you parents never cared to ask about. You can tell me where the freedom comes in... You guys restrict us to parties, and some of us understand that, and in our free time you ask us to study and if we don't do as you ask, we get in trouble. The same goes for the workplace, but the boss can't hit you nor fire you because you only missed one and it wasn't that important. We teens are mentally hurt by your comments but we don't show it, we are also physically hurt by your hitting but we try not to cry. Until you find us with slit wrists bleeding on the floor, hanging by a rope, or with a gun lying next to us, you'll realize how much we had to pull through. But then it's too late. Isn't it? No matter how hard we teens try to please you parents you never seem to be pleased. So in the end...we just give up.

We aren't asking to be treated like we're royals. We just ask you to understand.

-Zoey 

**So…. **_**do NOT say anything, if you have nothing nice to say. **_**Other than that…how was it? I wrote this at what? 1:20 am? Yeah. Again this is from what I can see from Zoey… R+R please? –Ana**

**a/n: if this causes too much controversy I will take it down. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Zoey is a troubled teen. **

Dear Mom,

I'm going to tell you something you never knew today. I get teased at school, and physically hit. Last week, I got pushed off the chair and fell backward on my head. Don't be surprised if I have a concussion. Or if I come home dead. They're right mom, those people that said 'trust no one' because I certainly can't trust you anymore. You've stop being my mom. You've stopped caring. And that's not my fault.

-Zoey

"Dad"- I'm not even going to put the "dear" in it because you are in fact the worst person on the face of the universe. YOU ruined my life completely. Fault's on you. I don't give a shit about you. Now, goodbye. Adios. I don't want to hear from you again. If you think I'm a demon. Fine. Whatever. I could care less from what came/comes from your mouth.

-Zoey


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Mom,

Sometimes I wonder why you changed. Why you changed and stopped being my mom. Why you changed your last name, and pretended we were some little perfect family when your older daughter was screwed on the football team, your son hiding atrocious video games from you, things that you never knew. Why would you give me a present of the family tree? Why? They are not my family to me. They maybe to you, but not to me. I wonder why.

-Zoey

Hello John Heffer, or should I say step-loser from now on, you ruined my life, end of story. If you want to go all insane about my "demon-ness" then go ahead. I could kick your a*s in less than 10 seconds. You're dirtier than Neferet and Kalona combined, and I'm going to say that is NOT a compliment.

-Z.R.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm on the verge absolute insane with my parents, they really tick me off. I'm not a perfect daughter. NO ONE IS PERFECT. They should know that by now. Shouldn't they?**

Dear Mom,

Right when I'm ready to pull myself together you push me down and watch me fall. All I hear is your laughter when I fall; maybe you're happier without me. Maybe you are. Here's my IPhone mom, here's my charger, here's my laptop, you can take my bed, I'd be more than happy to sleep on the floor. Mom, don't you see, it's a test whether you actually care or not. You know I can't live without my phone, you know I can't live out my laptop, you know I'll suffer with horribly bad neck pain without my bed. You know that. Or at least you should. You go ahead and take all of these things away, it makes me want to cry, tears threatening to pour down my eyes, but I stay strong. I'm not a little girl anymore. I don't say mama, help me. Because now if I do that, what will you say? You'll say get it over it. It's your fault anyway. It tells me something you know? It tells me that you don't care.

Mom, stop calling me a negative person, stop telling me things I already know and tell me something I don't know. Don't tell me that I'm a f*cked up person living in a f*cked up world. I know that mom. I already knew that. You should know that I'm a negative person, you should know. If you don't then I don't know what to say other than to say you're not my mother anymore.

-Z

Step-loser,

You married my mother, you changed her in such a way I can't explain and it isn't a good change you brought. You're not my father, you were never meant to be my father. If you were meant to be my father, I'd be half you but I'm not and I'm glad it is that way. You can say whatever you want to say, you have no right whatsoever to tell me to 'shut up' you know what? I can prove that you don't have a right to tell me to 'shut up' and I could argue this to the Supreme Court if I wanted. I have the law at my side. I was BORN with the rights that American citizens should have. I have the freedom of speech. It's part of the bill of rights. It's the first amendment. I can carry a weapon, it's the second right, the right to bear arms. I know that. I'm not stupid. Maybe you and I should get an IQ test to see who's more intelligent.

Kill me if you like, I have all five elements to kick your ass. And if I was still a human and you decided to kill me, I'd die alright, you'd be quite happy indeed. BUT… you'd be the one facing murdering charges, not me. I'll be at peace. No more you, no more drama, no more traumas. Would it be the happiest moment ever? Probably not, but it'll be worth it, because then I won't have to see your face.

-ZOEY

Dear Diary,

I'll admit I've done wrong. It was wrong to do many things…But I did it anyway. Yeah okay, I was a little extreme over the edge saying that the whole creation of the universe was my fault, but in a way it does feel that way. I'm practically a servant, a slave for them. It doesn't matter what I say, and I don't feel like talking anymore for every conversation ends in 'shut up'. Why should I talk? Do I have a valid reason why I need to spend my life to talk to an asshole? No I don't.

Whoever said to have self respect is wrong. It only makes you become a self fish arrogant person. Whoever said to trust is wrong. You can't trust anyone because they might backstab you, you can't trust yourself because you could betray yourself. You can't trust the wind because it might carry your message away. You can't tell the animals for they might react to your emotions. You can't even trust the walls, for they might have ears. Whoever said to have confidence is wrong. Confidence doesn't get you anywhere but more trouble because you stood up for what you believed in. It's all wrong. All of it. Nothing is right in life.

Always in twisted pain,

Zoey Redbird.


	5. Chapter 5

Well hello there. :) I'm trying to write dear mom' and step loser to dear diary, or all adults in general. So let's give this a shot! Let me know what you think.

Chapter 5- If you understood

Dear Diary,

I wonder why it is, that adults only _pretend _ to understand us. They always say or show that they understand us to gain our trust. If they understood I wouldn't have to explain. Neferet never understood me, she _acted _like a parental figure, someone I could trust, but in reality she didn't understand at all. In fact, there are almost no adults in the world that understand teens, only teens trust other teens becuase we suffer together, and truthfully understand. I hate it when adults say that they understand us, because fact is, they don't. If they did understand a conversation similar to the one below wouldn't happen.

_"Mom, please understand me... Let me talk for once, and could you please just listen without interrupting?" I saw my mom suck a deep breath in while she was sitting on the couch and sigh. I looked at her to see if it was OK to continue. The last thing I needed was for her to start shouting at me. _

_She gave no sign of yes or no. She just slightly shifted her body to face me, I stood tall with my hands falling by sides, hoping that she didn't take that as an "attitude issue."_

_"I just wanted to let you know that me changing to a vamprye doesn't change who I am. I'm still the same Zoey you knew, the same one "little girl" who ran up to you and hugged her mother." _

_I could see tears glistening on the edge of her eyes, I knew I had struck a precious childhood memory she kept , I kept hoping that would work but..._

_"I want to believe you, I want to __**try**__ to understand you but I can't." My mom says straightnening out. _

_I could feel my anger rush through me. "Why can't you?"_

_"Your father would be absolutely furious." She replied as a matter of factly tone that I hated. _

_It felt as if a hammer were pounding on my head continously, blood rushing through my veins, my body shaking, "He's __**not**__ my father." _

_"Father or not," she said, "John would be furious." _

_I felt shock and disbelief wash over me. "You would choose your husband over your daughter."_

_My mother didn't say anything. She got up from her seat and walked away. I followed and said, "You don't understand me at all, no matter how hard I explain, how much effort I put in to try to remain calm, you still don't understand me."_

_I backed down the stairs and I felt her cold eyes land on me, "You're right, I don't understand you." I heard her mutter two words, "Teenage issues"_

If only they truly understood us. Stop with the acting, pretending, and trying...because the truth is that only 0.5% of all adults out of 100% acutally understand us. We don't want to suffer, but parents/adults make it difficult. I was taught that if I were to say something, I had to mean it. I hate it. I hate it when adults say they understand when they don't. Honestly, if they don't understand it's fine with me, but as long as they don't say they understand in the end, still not understanding, it's a lie. Hey, I thought adults taught us not to lie.

-Zoey

**I don't really like this chapter... :( I'd have to say the worst by far. but none the less I want one review before continuing. Thanks for the reviews. Sarah (my friend who gives me the most input of her personal life) thanks you too! (I write the diary entires+letters, she serves by telling me about her parents, and I do the same) :) We're not all alone. At least you know that if we don't have your back, we understand you. **


	6. Chapter 6

**I promised an update to all my stories...and here's the first one to get updated, here we go! Two more days until the new year! Wooot! **

Dear Diary,

It was Christmas a few days ago. Sometimes I like to think back when my mother was actually my mother, when she bought toys and gifts for me, when she had a wide smile painted her face, when she picked me off the ground and lifted me through the air, the snow falling gently around us, the sun shining brightly. But that was all before she met John. That asshole screwed my entire life up. My mom doesn't seem to think so. She thinks he saved us from total disaster. From living in a shitty house, well I could care less if we didn't have a house! All I want is my mother I used to know back. What good is living in a _mansion_ and suffering because your mother wishes to live in a bigger house instead of spending time with her children? Those were the happy days, ya know the "good, old days" when she actually had a HEART. Does life always seem worst as your age progresses? A few days ago, I got not one text from her. I at first didn't really care about it, because she had "abandoned" me here long ago. She left, because she sided on the wrong side. I wish she would change, perhaps come to the House of Night one day and apologize. Ha, yeah what a fantasy. I sent a text to her, I sent it to her saying Merry Christmas, no reply, nothing at all. I suppose she purposely screwed up her phone so I couldn't contact her anymore. Does she even have a soul? Sometimes I wish I could wish upon a star, wish all troubles away, wish away the romance that got me tangled in a mess, wish away Kalona and Nefferet, wish away John, wish that I was still a human. But everyone knows, dream's don't come true, you can't wish things away, life makes you suffer, it makes you pay, and it makes you pay dearly.

Still wishing on a star,

Zoey Redbird


End file.
